


Shared Interest

by DwarvenBeardSpores



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apocalypse, Brief mention of animal cruelty, Episode: s05e08 Changing Channels, Episode: s05e16 Dark Side of the Moon, F/M, Heaven, M/M, Multi, Objectification, Possibly unrequited lust, Sam's Ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 13:03:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4626276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DwarvenBeardSpores/pseuds/DwarvenBeardSpores
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Gabriel and Pamela share a drink and discuss heaven, the apocalypse, and Sam's ass.</p>
<p>Mostly Sam's ass.</p>
<p>(Takes place during season 5, somewhere between Changing Channels and Dark Side of the Moon.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shared Interest

Gabriel was sulking around heaven, hands in pockets, head down. If given the choice, he wouldn’t even be there, he’d be down on Earth picking up bikini babes or shoving some idiots down a storm drain. Of course, it was the Winchesters’ fault, like nearly everything seemed to be these days. Dean outing him and trapping him in a ring of holy fire had apparently triggered some sort of instant recall, and the heavenly host had dragged his ass back up to Heaven.

So here he was, paying his dues by avoiding every family member he could. Most of them weren’t too difficult to dodge, they simply stared at him from a distance with looks of surprise and disapproval which, yeah, he was sadly used to. A few of his siblings, mostly the younger ones, had tried to glom onto him, asking inane questions about Earth and trying to pretend that there was nothing wrong with running away for a couple millennia, when there obviously was. He didn’t want to talk to any of them.

Oh, and then there was Michael, who was throwing a ginormous hissy fit because Gabriel wouldn’t take his side. Fantastic. He had managed to escape the thrashing, sort of, and was spending the time sulking through random people’s heavens until Big Brother stopped watching and he could mojo back to Earth.

He stepped through a wall and found himself in a vaguely familiar flowered sitting room.

“Don’t I know you?” a voice shrilled behind him, obviously the occupant of this particular corner of paradise.

He spun around and, yes, he knew her, though not by name. His vessel’s nose wrinkled in distaste. “How did you make it to heaven?” he snapped. Unless his ancient brain was failing him, she had had a bad habit of abandoning puppies whenever a new man showed up. Father had things gotten sloppy in the past few centuries.

“What I want to know,” she said, “is why I spent the end of my life in a crate by the river!”

Gabriel was about to make a smartass comment about how yes, that was weird, she really deserved a lot worse, when he heard someone shouting at him.

“Hey! Over here!” It wasn’t another angel, which was weird, since Gabriel was sure that had been in Enochian. It turned out to be a man, opening the crate-lady’s front door and waving at him impatiently. “Yeah, you!” he called in what was definitely Enochian. “This way!”

Gabriel shrugged, and followed him out, noticing the very neat chalk marks on the door which would keep uninvited angels out.

He found himself in a comfortable-looking, if rather empty, bar. The man who had ushered him in, all unwashed mullet and ratty clothes, slid over behind the counter.

“Who are you?” Gabriel asked. It wasn’t every human who could manage travel between heavens, let alone call to him in his own language.

“Ash,” Ash replied, extending his hand and then apparently thinking better of it, and extending a beer instead. Smart man. “And you’re Gabriel, huh? Guess you don’t like it up here. I’ve been picking up your conversations.” Here he patted a grey, scientific-looking box, that sure enough was collecting snippets of things akin to Uriel singing in the shower and Zachariah snoring. Well, the angelic equivalents, anyway.

Gabriel grinned. “Handy thing.”

“Yeah, see, I’ve just about got your language down pat, although the tenses still confuse me a little.” He snapped open his own can of beer and poured a hearty amount down his throat. When he finished, he wiped a hand across his mouth. “So I figured, long as you were sulking anyway, the least I could do would be to offer you a drink.”

Gabriel couldn’t exactly argue with that logic, so he took a long drink of his own. “Quite a show going on downstairs,” Ash added conversationally. “Oh, and I’ve got a friend you should meet. She thinks you two have something in common.”

“Oh, I know it.” Gabriel looked up as a tall, dark, frankly attractive woman walked in from the adjoining heaven. “Hi, sweetlips, nice to meet you.” She sat down beside him, pausing only to ruffle his hair. “Pamela Barnes. Psychic.”

“I must say,” Gabriel said, uncomfortably smoothing down his hair again. “for a couple of dead folks, you’re the most active ones I’ve meet in a long time.”

“I guess the Winchesters will do that to you,” Ash said. “Always got to be ready for them. They’ve been here, what, three times in the past few weeks?”

“Three,” the woman agreed, sitting down next to Gabriel and snagging a beer of her own. “Pity they don’t usually remember.”

“Oh, so you know badass Laurel and Hardy down there?” Gabriel smirked. “They may not be too bright, but they do put on a good show.”

“And Sam’s ass,” Pamela added. “Is pretty much worth dying for. Literally.”

Gabriel had... not been expecting that. He sputtered into his drink before looking up. “Did I hear you right?” he asked.

“Sam Winchester’s ass is worth dying for?” Pamela grinned. “Honey, if I had known I was going to go blind, I would have had him stand up and turn around so those cheeks would be my last sight on Earth.” She looked at Gabriel’s incredulous face and laughed. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. After all, for you it’s practically at eye level.”

Gabriel shrugged. “What can I say? It is a very fine ass, but he’s awfully protective of it. When he’s not getting it into trouble.” Because he had noticed. It was kind of hard not to. “Makes my list of Great Asses I Have Ogled, which has been a work in progress for a couple thousand years.”

Ash rolled his eyes and backed away, muttering something about a “shared interest.”

“You’ve got that right,” Pamela said with a sigh. “I only got one little grope in.”

Gabriel’s face fell. “Oh, that’s all,” he said flatly.

“Sorry Hon.” Pamela smiled, not terribly sympathetic. “I forgot you haven’t managed that yet.” Ignoring the archangel’s jealous stare, she leaned back and continued. “Still, one of the perks of heaven is that you get Direct TV.” She picked a remote control off the counter and pointed it at the flat-screen in the corner.

“Aw, come on, use your own room,” Ash grumbled, but he didn’t actually seem that upset. He hopped up onto the bar, swinging his legs against the wooden siding as he opened another can.

The TV buzzed to life in the middle of some intense scientific discussion about relativity, but a second later it had changed to a close-up shot of the ass in question, hugged by blue-jeans that were bordering on the edge of tight, framed by a lovely hem of plaid flannel. Gabriel let out a low whistle.

“I’ve said it before,” Pamela said, “but you could bounce a nickel off that thing.”

“Forget the small change,” Gabriel replied, “I was thinking maybe a few gold bars.”

Pamela tutted at him. “No ruining that work of art,” she instructed sternly.

“Ruin? No. Take advantage of? Maybe.” He narrowed his eyes at the screen as Sam’s ass turned a corner

“Oh, I’m sure,” she said. “Might want to keep him alive, though. Can’t imagine it would be quite as much fun up here. Hell, you can’t walk through this place without your skin crawling.”

She had a point. The sort of halfway-there, appearances-only world of Heaven was nothing near as rich as the smelly, dirty, real world down there, and Gabriel liked rich. Less chance of being walked in on by a dick with wings, too. Still, it wasn’t a perfect solution. “And how do you think basketball-butt will react to my popping in and telling him I’m saving his ass, literally saving his ass, and hey, can I get a pice of that while I’m in town?

“Probably better than he would to “hey, you’re dead and I didn’t save you, let’s fuck”.” Pamela pointed out.

“Picky picky.” But as Gabriel peered at the TV again, he had to admit that experiencing the real deal down there would be, well, better than heaven. And Sam was always so fussy and uptight, maybe he needed a bit of saving to loosen him up.

“She’s trying to tell you to help them stop the apocalypse,” Ash put in helpfully. “And she’s bribing you with ass.”

“A damn fine ass,” Pamela corrected. “And, you know, the fate of a world you don’t want to see destroyed.”

Gabriel gave a long, overly dramatic sigh, that he lost track of halfway through because Sam had just bent down to pick up a dropped cell phone, and Father was that butt fine. He could feel his grace pressing tight against his vessel, which was always a sign that he was going to do something stupid for sex. That plus no apocalypse? Now that his cover had already been blown? Well, there were worse reasons for joining a hopeless cause.

And then his face froze, because Michael had stopped watching him. He was arguing with someone else, leaving Gabriel, for a few precious minutes, with the door wide open.

“Well?” Ash asked. “Did it work?”

Gabriel blessed them both with his absolute best wicked grin as he snapped his fingers. His comfortable jacket and jeans disappeared, to be replaced with an elegant eighteenth century pirate costume, large plumed hat, form-fitting coat, gold doubloons and all. “Aye,” he said, his eyebrows dancing across his forehead. “I’m off to get me some booty!”

And then he was gone, the sound of relieved laughter barely caught by his ears.

Earth was a delight, wherever the hell he was when he landed. A park. A shoddy park, with shit-covered statues and blown-out streetlamps and chemical-covered lawns, but after days in Heaven, it felt like home. He closed his eyes, inhaling the smoggy air and spreading his arms wide.

Until he stopped abruptly to focus his mind on the hunt ahead. He figured it would take him a few days a most, and then that beautiful hiney would be his.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I can also be found on tumblr as dwarven-beard-spores


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